Saturday, May 3

I slept late again, and when I woke up I felt like a teenager. I used to sleep until midday at the weekends when I lived at home, and now that I have adopted this pattern again, I found myself waking up in exactly the same kind of way: slowly and thinking of ideas that I may or may not pursue.

After a shower and breakfast the three of us drove to Sundö to open the summer house. We started by going to the shop and meeting Garda and Erika, and then drove to Benita’s to say hello to her. During this we met various other people including Sasha, Brum Brum and a former neighbour from Brännäs. This was the first time we had seen any of them since Auo died, and we were all glad to see them without crowds.

Naa had tears rolling down her face as we sat in a window seat in Benita’s cafe looking out at the beach where she and Auo spent part of every summer since Auo was born. It was a safe spot they both loved, where they could wander unsupervised ever since Auo could walk.

I had a similar reaction when we reached the house and I saw the trampoline frame. Auo was always pushing as hard as she could to have the trampoline put up right now, and she and Naa used it as often as they could. NOw I am not sure what will happen to it.

We spent most of the afternoon in the garden. The good news is that the grass has spread completely over the area that was once dominated by bamboo, and the bamboo itself has yet to make an appearance. It will do, but it is slowly losing its hold on the garden.

Camilla made a fantastic meal of farm lamb and roast potatoes and carrots, and we sat for a couple of hours with Mikael, Camilla, Johan and Ann-Sofie. Now we are about to catch the ferry back to the mainland and I am looking over Sundö bay. Spring has definitely come early this year, and it alread feels like early summer.

We will get home and sit in front of the fire with a glass of wine talking. Both of us will feel very good about having made the journey, and about opening up the house. Somehow it felt very right being there. The cat will shoot out and not come back until about 1:30, at which point we will have almost given up on it.

At every stage it felt impossible that Auo was not there with us, much more so than in Helsinki, because the island is much smaller and Auo had such clear and established routines and preferences. Nonetheless I will go to bed feeling better than I expected to feel, and very happy to have spent a relaxed time with Mikael and Camilla.