Friday, January 31

This was not an easy morning. Irma said that she was feeling worse, day by day, and I believed her. I am not, but I am not feeling better and better either.

We searched the house for things we needed for the funeral and in the end we found the tie that I had bought in Carnaby Street in 1968 on a school trip. I had been promising to show it to Auo, because it is neon pink, neon yellow and blue. Now I will merely wear it to her funeral.

At 11:00 I went for a walk, since these seem to make me feel better. My plan had been to walk to Itäkeskus to the bus station and then turn left to follow the 97V back to home. However, before I got to Itäkeskus it started snowing heavily, and blowing hard. I changed my plan and went to the library. While I was there I phoned Jutta to discuss some overdue Arcada business. As I finished talking I noticed through the library windows that the wind had dropped but the snow had increased. I decided to walk home.

Walking through this has reminded me intensely of Auo, who loved this kind of winter wonderland weather, but in a good way. I was walking and imagining her loud joy, and feeling strangely comforted through being in a kind of imaginary communion with her. Now I am nearly at Alepa, which means that I am two thirds of the way home, and the scenery is almost whited out. I watch a bus disappear into a snowy blur of its own making.

When I get home we will drive to Itäkeskus to Stockmann to order food for the gathering after the funeral. Then we will go to Prisma to get food. While we are there Irma will get a phone call offering to make food for the gathering. We will return to Stockmann to cancel the order.

Naa will come home. Minna will come round to say she will come to the funeral. Bills will get paid. Some of the food will get eaten. The snow will begin to pile up while continuing to fall gently.